Quotes by Tim Vine
“I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'”— Tim Vine
“I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”— Tim Vine
“So I went to the record shop and I said, 'What have you got by The Doors?' He said, 'A fire extinguisher.'”— Tim Vine
“So I went to the dentist. He said, 'Say aaah.' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'My dog's died.'”— Tim Vine
“I'm against hunting. In fact, I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”— Tim Vine
“Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.”— Tim Vine
“He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'”— Tim Vine
“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'”— Tim Vine