Wit Quotes

“Is it a gift you can return?”

“I don't suffer from stress, I'm a carrier.”

“I have more talent in my smallest toe than you have in your entire body.”

“I'm used to that. I've been on a plane with you.”

“I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.”

“I am told that I have a very difficult nature. I am not at all sure that I have not got the devil in me.”

“If I am not, may God put me there; and if I am, may God so keep me.”

“Oh, marvellous. You're going to kill me. What a finely-tuned response to the situation.”

“No sensible man ever engages, unprepared, in a fencing match of words with a woman.”

“Madam, I have come from a country where people are hanged if they talk.”

“To a stupid girl, a clever man is a bore; to a clever girl, a stupid man is a terror.”

“Wit is the unexpected juxtaposition of disparate ideas.”

“You look like a million dollars. Is that how much it cost?”

“I am resting my mind.”

“You are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.”

“Round numbers are always false.”

“Well, he would, wouldn't he?”

“I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.”

“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.”

“Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it.”