Sam Kinison

“You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fish of drowning.”

“Jesus is coming, and boy, is he pissed.”

“I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

“I'm not a misogynist. I'm a misanthropist. I hate everybody.”

“Rock and roll is a contact sport.”

“There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions.”

“There's no happy ending to cocaine. You just run out.”

“If you're going to be a sinner, be the best sinner on the block.”

“In every group of friends, there's a wild card. It's the guy who's not afraid to eat the worm.”

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”

“I want to die at 100 years old with an American flag on my back and the star of Texas on my helmet, after screaming down an Alpine mountain on a skateboard at 75 miles per hour.”

“I am the rock and roll comic. I'm the one who's shouting.”

“Why do we need a warning label on every single thing? Do you know what I want on my cigarettes? A picture of me, smiling.”