Comedy Quotes

“The first rule of comedy is that it has to be funny.”

“You throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now, Who is on first.”

“If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”

“Parody is a very specific thing. You have to love the genre you're parodying.”

“Political correctness is a straitjacket on comedy.”

“There's no such thing as a joke that's too long.”

“We just don't have the attention span for a movie without jokes for 10 minutes.”

“I kill your whole family!”

“I love doing stand-up. I love making people laugh.”

“What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want. It's a form of ultimate freedom. And what's great about acting is that you get to be a part of somebody else's vision.”

“You have to be willing to be a fool to be a comedian.”

“My general rule is that if you're not prepared to make a joke about it, you're not allowed to be a fan of it.”

“When you're a comedian, you're always looking for material, so you're always observing.”

“Nobody ever escapes from Stalag 13!”

“A great deal of my material has to do with my own personal anxieties.”

“I'm not a political comedian. I'm a social comedian.”

“The first rule of comedy is that it has to be funny.”

“Trapped in the body of a beautiful woman, with the soul of a shoe salesman.”

“That's the man's name.”

“What kind of equipment will you be wearing? ... A crash helmet.”