Charles Farrar Browne

“I go for a hotel that has a landlord who is a gentleman and that has a cook who is a gentleman.”

“One of the principal features of my Entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it.”

“Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.”

“I am not a politician, and my other habits are good.”

“Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?”

“The researches of many commentators have already thrown much darkness on this subject, and it is probable that, if they continue, we shall soon know nothing at all about it.”

“He is dreadfully married. He's the most married man I ever saw in my life.”

“I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.”

“My pollertics, like my religion, being of a exceedin' accommodatin' character.”

“The last thing a man wants to do is hurt a woman. But it's on his list.”

“I have a great moral show, but it is not so moral that it will not be attended.”

“A comic paper ought to be printed on writing-paper, so that the subscriber can write his letters on it and so get his money's worth.”

“The lion is the king of beasts and I am the king of men. We will not quarrel.”

“Of the several things that I have been, a showman has been one of the most prominent.”