Rodney Carrington

“Men are like dogs... We are simple creatures. We are not real smart, but we are loyal.”

“A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.”

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

“The only thing we make in America anymore is babies and debt.”

“Show 'em to me, show 'em to me, bare them titties for the whole damn world to see.”

“I love being a dad. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. Except for that one time I found 20 bucks in my pocket.”

“Don't look now, but I'm wearing your grandpa's drawers.”

“Letter to my penis, where do I begin? The places you have been, the trouble we've been in.”

“You can't be politically correct and be a comedian. You have to be honest.”

“Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.”

“I'm a comedian. I'm not a role model. I'm a comedian.”

“The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he's too old to do it.”

“I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”