Don Novello

“I was an altar boy, and I used to go to church every day. I was very religious.”

“I find that most people are as amazed as I am that I've gotten away with it for so long.”

“I want to be the first pope to be called 'The Best.'”

“People ask me if I'm a real priest. I say, 'I'm as real as you are.'”

“In my Five-Minute University, I'll teach you what the average college graduate remembers five years after he or she graduates.”

“Economics: Supply and Demand. That's it. You don't have to write it down, you'll remember it.”

“To be a saint, you have to have two miracles. To be a pope, you need one: you have to be a man.”

“I teach a class at the Vatican, 'You Can Be a Saint, Too.' Ten minutes. It's not so hard.”

“I got to bless the animals at the San Francisco Zoo. It was a great day.”

“The Pope, he's a busy man. He's got the sins of the world on his shoulders. He's not gonna have time to worry about your little parking ticket.”

“What's the meaning of life? That's an easy one. It's to go to heaven. And how you get to heaven? You be a good person. And what's a good person? Somebody who doesn't blow it for everybody else.”

“In the last 2,000 years, we have had 265 popes. We've had some good ones, we've had some bad ones... I wanna be the first pope to be called 'the Best.'”