Laura Kightlinger

“I'm not addicted to coffee. We're just in a committed relationship.”

“I don’t like to be told what to do, unless I’m naked.”

“I don't need a personal trainer. I need someone to follow me around and slap the Krispy Kreme out of my hand.”

“My shrink told me I have a shopping addiction. I told him I'd buy that.”

“I like to take my dog to the dog park. It's like a singles bar for people with low self-esteem.”

“I have a new little dog. I don't know what to name him. I'm thinking about calling him '5 Miles' so I can say I walk 5 miles every day.”

“I'm a good person, just not a very nice one.”

“I just wanted to create a show that I would watch, that I would enjoy.”

“My life is just a series of embarrassing moments strung together by alcohol.”

“I always felt like I was a freak when I was a kid.”