Joey Bishop

“I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'”

“I'm what they call a 'sit-down' comic.”

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”

“The reason I don't drink is that I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic. And the reason I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic is that I'm afraid of becoming Dean Martin.”

“A talk show is a very difficult thing to do. It looks easy, but it's not.”

“Sammy could do anything. He could sing, dance, act, play instruments. There was nothing he couldn't do.”

“Frank was the leader. He was the boss. But he was a great boss.”

“Dean was the laziest man in the world, but he was a genius.”

“I was the schmuck in the group.”

“Today, you can't say anything. I'm not a sick comic. I'm a Jewish comic. There's a difference.”

“Frank Sinatra is the only one I'm afraid of. I don't know why. He's a funny guy. He's a nice guy.”

“I'm so old, I don't even buy green bananas.”

“I'm not a star. I'm a comedian.”

“The Ed Sullivan Show was the biggest thing in the world. You got on there, you were made.”