Observational Quotes

“I saw a guy with a 'No Fear' sticker on his car. I was like, 'Dude, you're driving a minivan. You have fears.'”

“I saw a sign that said 'Watch for Children' and I thought, 'That's a good idea. They can be very sneaky.'”

“Men's legs have a terribly lonely life – standing in the dark in your trousers all day.”

“If you're a guy, and you're wearing a 'Members Only' jacket, you're not in the club.”

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

“How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? Nobody knows. It's never been done.”

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'”