Conan O'Brien

“Being a nerd, which is to say going too far and caring too much about a subject, is the key to everything.”

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'”

“Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.”

“Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.”

“The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”

“The great thing about celebrity is that you can get a table at a restaurant without a reservation. The bad thing is that there are now 300 people watching you eat.”

“If you can laugh at yourself, you're going to be fine. If you allow others to laugh with you, you'll be great.”

“There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.”

“Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. And remember that the story is never over.”

“When all else fails, there's always delusion.”

“I'm an expert at failure. I've failed at many things... I'm a connoisseur of failure.”

“My favorite thing to do is crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentation of their women. And my second favorite thing is to make people laugh.”

“There's no business like show business. But there are several businesses like accounting.”

“I've always been a big believer in 'you're only as good as your last joke.'”

“I want to make a difference, which is why I'm speaking to you today. I've been doing this for 28 years... and I've done it over 4,000 times.”

“To be a comedian, you have to be a little bit of a rebel.”

“Success is a beast. And it actually puts the emphasis on the wrong thing. You get obsessed with it.”