Quotes by Billy Connolly
“My parents used to tell me, 'Don't swallow chewing gum, it'll gum up your insides.' I'd think, 'I've been eating plaster for two years, what's a bit of gum going to do?'”— Billy Connolly
“I don't believe in reincarnation, and I didn't believe in it when I was a hamster.”— Billy Connolly
“Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.”— Billy Connolly
“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”— Billy Connolly
“The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack, it'll look exactly the same afterwards.”— Billy Connolly
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”— Billy Connolly
“Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?”— Billy Connolly
“A lot of people say it's a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer 'f**k'.”— Billy Connolly