Bill Cosby

“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”

“A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.”

“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”

“Gray hair is God's graffiti.”

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.”

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids.”

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”

“The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.”

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”

“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in quiet.”

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”

“I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it, I don't know where I lost it, but I'm not the boss. My wife is the boss.”