Allan Sherman

“Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh, here I am at Camp Granada.”

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.”

“I have been on a diet for two weeks and all I have lost is two weeks.”

“I am in the Oakland hospital. They are putting a cast on my leg. But it's not the leg that I broke.”

“I came from a broken home. My parents broke it.”

“If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.”

“On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite.”

“Marge, is the cat dead?”

“You went to Yale, you went to Harvard, I went to P.S. 104.”

“My son, the folk singer, where did he get his talent? From you, I guess, you're a folk.”

“When I was a boy, we had a dog that was so intelligent, he used to lick the stamps on my letters. After I mailed them... The dog had been licking off the addresses.”

“The pain that I bear, I can't explain, it's a hundred and ten in the shade here in Spain.”