Stephen Leacock

“I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”

“The Lord said 'let there be wheat' and Saskatchewan was born.”

“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”

“Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”

“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”

“A half truth is a whole lie.”

“It may be those who do most, dream most.”

“I would sooner have written 'Alice in Wonderland' than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.”

“He was a man of infinite taste, all of it bad.”

“In ancient times they had no statistics, so they had to fall back on lies.”

“Most people would rather be sheep than stand alone.”

“There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike – information and wit.”

“Writing is not a profession but a vocation of unhappiness.”

“An editor is a man who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.”

“The parent who could see his boy as he really is would shake his head and say, 'Willie is no good; I'll sell him.'”