Robert Orben

“Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions.”

“Every speaker has a mouth; An effective speaker has a message.”

“Life is what's coming, not what's gone.”

“I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.”

“Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.”

“What's a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.”

“Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.”

“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.”

“Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.”

“I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.”

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.”

“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.”

“Do you ever get the feeling that the only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize?”

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

“A good laugh is sunshine in the house.”