Mike Fink

“I'm a salt-river roarer! I'm a ring-tailed screamer! I'm a regular screamer from the ol' Massassip'! WHOOP!”

“I can out-run, out-jump, out-shoot, out-brag, out-drink, and out-fight, rough and tumble, no holds barred, any man on both sides of the river from Pittsburgh to New Orleans and back again to St. Louis.”

“I'm half horse and half alligator and a touch of the earthquake.”

“I can whip my weight in wildcats!”

“I'm the very infant that refused his milk before its eyes were open, and called out for a bottle of old rye!”

“My name's Mike Fink! I can slide down a greasy sapling and not get a splinter in my breeches!”

“I'm the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the smallpox on the mother's side!”