Frank Muir

“An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.”

“The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.”

“There are few things more worrying than a comedian who doesn't laugh.”

“Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it.”

“I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.”

“The wonderful thing about television is that it has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.”

“The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.”

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

“A committee is a group of the unwilling, chosen from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.”

“In the beginning, there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”

“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

“A gentleman is a man who can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.”