Charles Pierce

“What a dump!”

“Don't f--- with me, fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo.”

“No wire hangers... ever!”

“This has been a Bette Davis film, and I've been Bette Davis in it.”

“When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better.”

“I don't do drag. I do an evening of sophisticated wit and glamour.”

“She has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.”

“I am the master of the art of female impersonation. I am not a transvestite. I am an actor.”

“They found me in the closet with a half-empty bottle of gin. What was I supposed to do, dahling? Go to a party with a half-full one?”

“I'm a male actress. I've created a new gender.”

“I am retiring. It is better to hear 'Why is he?' than 'When is he?'”

“Don't you just love my new gown? I call it my 'around the house' gown... around the house of Dior.”

“My darlings, you have just witnessed a miracle. A man has just laid an egg on stage.”

“There are two things I will never be: a man and a lady.”

“My father warned me about men and booze... but he never said anything about women and cocaine.”

“I would have been a great King Lear.”