Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”

“My father wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.”

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.”

“The secret of eternal youth is to lie about your age.”

“Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm.”

“I'm a hedonist. I have the fortune to be a hedonist with a moral sense.”

“He was a man of the strictest integrity, which is to say, he was an incorrigible liar.”

“I'd rather be a lamppost in Washington than a mayor anywhere else.”

“He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”

“Having a child is like having a walking, talking fortune cookie.”

“I am a Republican... a bigot... I am not a tolerant person. I am a completely partisan person.”

“She is a dear, but so dull. It is like waiting for the vanilla ice cream to melt.”