Paul Reiser

“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'”

“Marriage is a verb. It's not a noun. It's not a thing you get. It's a thing you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.”

“A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”

“The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.”

“Parenthood is a walk in the park... Jurassic Park.”

“My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am.”

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.”

“My kids are the most expensive props I've ever had.”

“I've found that the best way to get on in the world is to be an orphan.”

“You can't be a parent and not be a little nuts.”

“Life is a festival only to the wise.”

“I always wanted to be a musician. I'm a frustrated musician.”

“Men are nuts. Young men are crazy. We all are. I'm not saying that men are bad. I'm just saying that we're not as smart as women.”

“Why is it that when you had a good night's sleep, you wake up and say, 'I had a good night's sleep,' but when you had a bad night's sleep, you say, 'I didn't sleep a wink'?”