Jane Wagner

“What's the point of being a grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes?”

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”

“Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.”

“It’s my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”

“Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?”

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.”

“No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.”

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”

“Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.”

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?”

“We are all in this together, by ourselves.”

“All my life, I've always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.”

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

“I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.”