George Gobel

“Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?”

“When I go to a party, I like to be the first one to leave. That way, I have a choice.”

“College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.”

“My wife, Alice, is a very neat person. This is a problem because my idea of neatness is that I can find everything. Alice's idea of neatness is that she can't find anything.”

“If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”

“I was a pilot in World War II. I flew B-26 Marauders. The B-26 was a tough airplane to fly. It was called the 'Widowmaker.' I was a flight instructor. I taught a lot of guys to fly. A lot of them are dead now.”

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room, I've felt suicidal, I've been depressed. I've felt awful, but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me.”

“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”