Keith Waterhouse

“A connoisseur is a man who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.”

“A prose style is a way of seeing, a way of feeling, a way of thinking.”

“A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.”

“Nostalgia is a seductive liar.”

“Being a columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It's great for the first two weeks.”

“The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.”

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.”

“There are three infallible rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.”

“There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published.”

“The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.”