Fran Lebowitz

“Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.”

“Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.”

“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.”

“Spilling your guts is exactly as charming as it sounds.”

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

“Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.”

“To me the outdoors is what you must pass through to get from your apartment to a taxicab.”

“You're only as good as your last haircut.”

“The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you robbed.”

“The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.”

“All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.”

“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”

“A book is not supposed to be a mirror. It's supposed to be a door.”

“Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.”

“Polite conversation is rarely either.”

“My favorite animal is steak.”

“Humility is no substitute for a good personality.”

“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”

“I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.”