Cynthia Heimel

“When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.”

“Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.”

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost a dollar.”

“A man who is a good lover to his wife is his children's best friend.”

“If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?”

“Never be possessive. If a man is faithless, leave him. But never be possessive.”

“People who are always right are insufferable.”

“High school is a pit of despair. It's a swirling tornado of insecurities and there's really nothing good about it.”

“Sometimes I think the only things I have in common with my husband are the kids and the mortgage.”

“All the men on my staff can type.”

“A girl can't have too many hats or shoes or friends.”

“The only real cure for PMS is a hysterectomy.”

“God might be a woman, but She is definitely not a mother.”